Date Taken: 7/12/12
Setting: Summerbridge and Shannon's House
Thoughts: This mask...will forever haunt my dreams...
Shannon invited us over to her parent's house to enjoy a meal and some relaxation time. Her house...is the most amazing house, ever. This fire pit is just one of the amazing features. After we ate burgers cooked on the built in out door grill, and met her parents in their full bar and whiskey lined basement (they publish a whiskey magazine), we ate ice cream and made smores around this campfire. It. was. awesome.
A lot of times, when I am at a friend's parents' house, I find myself wondering how they got from where I am now, to what they are. I have this urge to be at that place already - family, home, career. Yet, I know that to skip everything that comes in between, the struggles, the successes big and small, the actual building of a life I want, would be wholly unfulfilling. When I asked Shannon's dad about this idea, he said that we need to pursue what makes us happy. He gave us advice we have heard our entire lives - do what makes you happy. When he said it, I actually believed it could be possible. As I stood in this beautiful home, nestled into the woods, I felt like there could be a way to carve out a unique life path that includes the pursuit of a career that makes me happy and one that also enables a comfortable lifestyle that I could pass on to my own children one day.
Thoughts: Obviously, I didn't take this picture...but all the pictures I took today were lame...so, here is this one. I love it.
Date Taken: 7/10/12
Setting: Summerbridge, my desk
Thoughts: I found this on my desk this morning. Really, it is amazing I can find anything on my desk. It is perpetually messy despite my constant attempts to clean it up. All I can ever seem to do is re-stack papers in a different place or throw away post it notes. I never seem to put things in any kind of coherent order. The chaos that is my desk often reflects the status of my life. I am so frequently concerned with accomplishing multiple tasks at once that my life because messy and muddled despite my best attempts to clean it up, to organize, to attend to one item at a time.
It was nice to find this note amid my pile of papers. Anonymous. Cheerful. Supportive. Everything a good pick-me-up should be. I think the reason why I like this gesture so much is that it reminds me of something I might do for someone. I am a proponent of sending texts or emails to friends at random to tell them how much I appreciate them or how much a memory with them means to me now. I don't think we share those thoughts enough. We don't go out of our ways to compliment people, to help them, to offer them a smile, a nod, a hug. This note wasn't just a kind gesture, it was a reminder that I have the ability to accomplish my goals and that I have the capacity, as this person did, to affect peoples' lives in positive ways.
Date Taken: 7/9/12
Setting: Lehigh and a beautiful park
Thoughts: When there are beautiful, sunny, cloud-filled-sky days like this at Lehigh, they are magical. On days like this one, I get a feeling that nothing around me is real, that I am going to wake up from a vivid dream, that I am going to open my eyes and find myself a million miles from this place and where I want to be. On Lehigh Valley days like this one, the world seems so big, the summer too short, the days not long enough to take in the full, vast depth of beauty swells in sky and in the vibrant colors of the sky and earth and trees.
Lately, I have been doing a terrible job of blogging. When I work at Summerbridge, every last bit of my energy is zapped by the end of the school day. There is so much that needs to be done, so much that I need to do for others, that there is barely any room in my day to do anything for me. I have wanted this blog to be a place where I can take time to reflect on the day and the adventures it entails. I wanted to carve out this little space that is just for me to process and think and wonder about life. Yet, I wasn't using this space to decompress and to make sure that my days included time for myself. I wasn't blogging very much at all, and instead, found myself sleeping or watching television. What a waste.
As I move closer to the beginning of my third year as a doctorate student, I can see quite clearly the necessity of this space and recognize my need to work harder at coming to this space each day to record my thoughts and to allow myself room to process the day in silence.
Before I went back to school on Wednesday to work, Brian noted that I seem to have a sense of purpose when I am on campus. Today, I felt that sense of purpose as I walked from the train to work. At work, I was able to get so much done. It felt good, and it motivated me to do work at the apartment and to blog right now. It is amazing how doing things makes me want to do more things, whatever they are, and being static, unproductive, useless, makes me feel like doing nothing. I much prefer the first over the latter.
Day 136
Date Taken: 7/6/12
Setting: Summerbridge
Thoughts: Jake was doing an egg drop with his classes. I was brought back to 6th grade. I have a vivid image of some of the male teachers standing on the roof, hucking everyone's project off of it while we all stood around hoping our designs would keep out eggs protected.
The kids got a kick out of it. They were sprinting from the drop room to the landing pad, excited to see if their design had preserved their eggs. They unwrapped them as quickly as they could (although quickly takes a while when you use an entire roll of masking tape to attach two cups), and held up their eggs triumphantly if it survived. It was pretty awesome.
Day 137
Date Taken: 7/7/12
Setting: Somewhere in Swarthmore
Thoughts: Earlier in the day, Court, Matt, Brian and I went to to breakfast at a glorious little cafe in Bethlehem. Next to us was a young couple with a small baby. Honestly, probably one of the ugliest babies I've seen. It was just its facial expression, it was all bug eyed and seemed to indicate that poop was coming in the near future. I shiftily took some pictures...but, I felt it was probably wrong to post them. So, instead, here is the only other picture I took that day. Not really sure why...but, here it is.
Day 138
Date Taken: 7/8/12
Setting: On the road
Thoughts: Thanks anonymous car drivers, for sharing violent creepy imagery with the rest of us...that really serves to brighten everyone's day. (Sarcastic clap)
I just started my workout today when a group of high schoolers who are (I assume) attending Governer's school at Lehigh came up to me and asked if I i knew of a building with a half number on it. They were doing a scavenger hunt. I had no idea what they were talking about. I said no. The guy who asked responded "actually?" in a tone that I found less than polite.
I continued on my way toward the first set of stairs where the hardcore workout begins and a group walked down the stairs, completely in my way, and one girl said something to the effect of "she's the one who wouldn't help us right?" Um, hello, I can hear you, and what is this King's Cross Station? How the hell am I supposed to know where the building with fractions for an address is? I responded "I didn't help you, because I didn't know what the hell you were talking about."
They went on there way, and I continued my workout. As I ran, I could feel my anger getting the better of me. I just hate when people are rude like that. Plus, all day I was being interrupted by people at work who had questions they could have answered for themselves. As I ran, I prayed and I wondered if perhaps I was being too critical of others and not critical enough of myself. Perhaps what I needed to be today, was patient.
I was reminded of the clip in Evan Almighty, where Morgan Freeman, playing God, tells Lauren Graham, Evan's wife, that when a person prays for courage...you know what, I won't do it justice...here's the clip.
The bottom line is, life is all about opportunities. Here I am, praying for the ability to be more patient, and at the same time, I am ignoring the opportunities to exercise patience. I let the actions of others dictate my mood, and worse than that, I allowed my actions and reactions to be filled with anger and with annoyance instead of with compassion and kindness.
Am I preaching? I like to think not. I think sometimes I find it difficult to know where the line between patient and annoyed should be. When does it stop becoming patience and start becoming self deprecating? When do I stop giving others unlimited chances and start recognizing the value of my own time and standards and start standing up for those values? These questions plagued me as I ran up stairs, walked hills, and just generally took in the coolness of the evening.
I guess my gut tells me that kindness is always the better way, I just don't always know how to exercise kindness, particularly in the face of ignorance, disrespect, and incompetence.
As I walked and thought of these things, I hoped I would run into some more students so I could practice the patience I lacked previously. A group did find me. They came up to the top of the stairs and a girl and I stared at each other from afar for a bit. Turns out, she was mesmerized by some dear that were close at hand, and I thought she might be someone I knew. She flagged me down and politely asked for help finding a building with a half number on it. I gave her group the best advice I could and moved on.
Later, Court, Britt and I walked down to the cup, where apparently all the governer's school kids who think they are cool go to hang out. I saw the people who were rude to me, and although at first we stared at each other awkwardly as we passed through the doorway, I stopped the first guy and asked if they found what they were looking for. He said they didn't but the person behind him did. That guy stepped forward and I asked where it was. He explained it and then said he took a picture, took out his phone, and showed us. It was actually a pleasant interaction.
I felt like, perhaps for the first time all day, I had finally seized an opportunity to be more patient and to put good out into the world instead of staining it with my lack of compassion.
In Courtney, Shannon's and my elective - Challenge Accepted - we have been teaching the students about leadership and how to be a good follower. We have designed all kinds of challenges for them to tackle, and have encouraged them to think up creative solutions that are within the rules but bend them. Two week's ago, we asked students to create their own challenges, specifically by taking elements of the challenges we have already done, and making something new and improved.
This past week, we di three of the students' challenges. There were three group leaders, each with their own small group to lead. These groups had to design the challenge, troubleshoot, envision how it would run, and help us set it up before elective.
The first challenge went great and turned out to be probably the most successful day we have had in that elective all summer. The leader did a great job of conceptualizing something challenging but simple and easy to understand and execute. Students were put in pairs. One student was blindfolded, the other could not talk. They had to walk to the center of the gym, go around the center circle, and return to the start in under a minute. By the third attempt, the students were crossing the line with some of their fastest times.
The second challenge was pretty much a disaster...at least in practice. The leader actually did a great job of planning, running his group, explaining the challenge, and just generally being enthusiastic about it. However, the challenge he envisioned was so complicated that no one really understood it and we had to stop it halfway through to debrief. It was basically chaos, but we learned an important take home message - sometimes, no matter how thoroughly we plan, things might not go how we hoped they would.
The third challenge...well, I was scared. It was sure to be the most complicated of the three, and after the challenge 2 disaster, I was a little leery. Although the students were a little confused, they dove right in and gave it a whirl. I think it helped that there were dodge balls involved. By the third run through, things were going pretty smooth, and although they did not successfully complete the mission, they seemed to have a lot of fun doing it.
There was one moment during this third challenge - which was to carry two "wounded" soldiers to safety - when one of the students (blue shorts) and one of the volunteers and former Summerbridge students (green shorts) pick up the wounded soldier and straight up sprint her to the other side. I lost it. My loud, booming voice and laugh burst across the audio, which makes me laugh even more when I watch it. I just thought that was the funniest thing. Then, the student gets nailed with a dodge ball when he tries to go back and get the other wounded soldier. Classic.
I just love these kinds of moments. We get to take kids into a gym, give them some dodge balls, some space to run, and some objectives, and they just go to town. Even though this activity might appear silly to an outsider, I really believe that the students learned some important lessons about life. They created the challenge, planned it, set it up, implemented it, and analyzed what worked and didn't work. They shared their ideas about the roles they played, what was frustrating, and what they did well. I don't think there is a substitute for throwing the students into an activity, telling them to use their brains and deal with what they are given, and letting them get their hands dirty. They don't get nearly enough of this kind of learning in their regular schools, which makes me all the more thankful to be a part of a program that sees this activity as a valuable learning experience.
Date Taken: 7/5/12
Setting: Summerbridge
Thoughts:
1. I love when the kids doodle on their papers. It just makes me laugh.
2. I love looking at the center of flowers. The center always has the most interesting texture and color. The patterns are delicate and precise, saturated and random. I just like to see the variety.
Date Taken: 7/4/12
Setting: Lehigh
Thoughts: Well, I made everyone drive up to Sayre because I thought it would be a great place to view the fireworks. We sat up there for a bit but got nervous that we wouldn't be able to see the fireworks, so we headed to the lookout. Turns out, that was a horrible idea because everyone else in the surrounding community was there. We walked down from our parking spot and immediately turned back...as the fireworks were starting. Apparently, we could have just stayed at the Trem, because that's where we ended up. We stood on the top of the parking garage and had a good view. What is really amazing about the fourth of July in Bethlehem is that from Lehigh, we could see fireworks shows cropping up in the distance all across the surrounding valley. It was pretty magical...although not magical enough for us to stay for the entirety of the show we were actually close enough to see in full.
We were hot and kind of bored and also slightly horrified by a neglectful mother ignoring her child as well as some teens in bathing suits. Also, some random college student was dressed as the mad hatter. We saw him with a group of people when we were at Sayre and he kept appearing wherever we were. It was unsettling, so we left the show and went into the sterile lighting but refreshingly cool apartment and called it a night.
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