Date Taken: 6/12/12
Setting: The Sterrett's
Thoughts: Summerbridge leaves me exhausted in a way that nothing else can. We are nearing the end of week 2...my brain hurts, my body hurts, my soul hurts, but all in the best possible way. The kids in this program need it, they need us. They need a place to go where learning is celebrated, it is different, it is a way of life and a ticket out. When I am at Summerbridge, all I can think about is these kids. When I get home, I think about them. When I wake up, they are on my mind. I think about the things on my to do list that need to be done - the parents that need calling, the reports that need writing, the lessons that need creating, and the energy that I need to summon every day to make sure these kids are safe, they are learning, they are happy.
With that said, I can't possibly summon the energy to talk about these pictures. So, here they are.
Shaved Puppy!
A Ghoooosssstttttt!
Mwuah
Taryn and Mendy were in town last week. I was reminded of this particular email thread and looked it up so I could laugh again and again. A group of us keep in touch through email chain. In this particular thread, Taryn, upon returning home from a year in Afghanistan, requested that we send her music so that she could know what has been going on in the states while she was away. This was Kubi's response...which made me laugh the entire day, and still makes me laugh every time I read it. This is our humor, and this email reminds me of how much crazy, silly, fun we used to all have together.
Date Taken: 6/11/12
Setting: a beautiful park in Northampton County...possibly
Thoughts: Court was playing ultimate, so I went along to watch her play. Before I sat down, I took a walk through this beautiful and extensive park. It was lush and green and bustling with people of all ages engaged in activities of all varieties. I found myself on a path not far from the fields where Court was playing. This particular concrete path ran parallel to a line of houses, bordering the back yards of several in a row.
As I walked past one house, I noticed this cute little pup. He wasn't wandering too far from the trail, but I got nervous. I wasn't sure if he was far from home or just a few feet away, so I stopped to pet him and check his collar. I called the number but got no answer.
An older woman was mowing the lawn on a riding mower, so I approached her and the pup followed, prancing just behind me. I flagged this woman down and she confirmed that it was her dog. We ended up chatting for a good twenty minutes. I don't know what it is, but I get into a lot of conversations with strangers. This past year, I have made it a priority to talk to strangers more frequently, particularly when interacting with them in stores and whatnot. I think though, I just have the personality that attracts people to me and makes them want to tell me their life stories. My dad is very much like this. He is constantly drawn into conversations with people who just want to pour their hearts out to him without really knowing why.
I like to think I project an aura like a sunset, and that this particular aura is soothing and inviting. Whether it is my personality or simply pure coincidence, I generally enjoy talking to strangers and found my conversation with this woman engaging.
She told me about her family, her grand-kids and the colleges they attend. She told me about what the area used to look like when she and her husband first moved in. She traveled back into her own little world and invited me into it as she recalled the vast green expanses that used to mark her neighborhood - back then just a few houses with nothing but grass connecting them. And before I walked away, she casually mentioned the passing of her husband this past winter.
As she said it, I realized that perhaps I was drawn to this woman because of her loss, because of mine. I wondered if we had stumbled upon one another, a small dog as our guide, in order to feel this random and remarkable connection. This woman seemed lonely but not despairing. Her eyes betrayed a kind of sadness that perhaps only comes with age, with watching children grow up and leave, with seeing loved ones slowly depart this earth. Yet, despite sadness, there was also a striking confidence that kept her poised in her riding mower seat. She does things on her own, she takes care of herself, she is her own boss.
Perhaps I needed to see that. Maybe I just needed to know that there are other people out there who have experienced loss, and that those people are surviving.
Date Taken: 6/10/12
Setting: Lehigh
Thoughts: Summerbridge started on Monday. The last 3 days have been hectic, very hectic. For the last four summers, every day at Summerbridge has ended with me sitting at my desk and just staring at the wall. If I don't feel this way at the end of a day - totally and utterly exhausted - then I am not doing my job correctly.
The unfortunate byproduct of being so busy though is that I make very little time for myself. When I don't make time for myself, I become infinitely more impatient. When I am impatient, I don't like myself nearly as much as I normally do. I work hard to be helpful to others, to be kind, to do things for others that will make them smile, but when I am impatient, I am thinking far too much about myself to be much good to anyone else.
On these kinds of days, I have to remember to recognize the simple beauty around me - a bird nesting above a light fixture, the sun peeking out behind a cloud, small pink flowers in a beam of sun. These things are simple and intricate, delicate and powerful, a reminder of how blessed I am and how important it is to pay forward those blessings and the kindnesses shown to me.
Date Taken: 6/9/12
Setting: Dad's house
Thoughts: I love my pretty little kitty. She is so dang cute. I like snuggling with her because she brings me great comfort and because it makes me feel like she is happy. I adopted her from an amazing kitty cottage, where she lived after she was abandoned. It feels right to give this kitty the love she deserves, and I hope that she feels safe in our home and when she is around me.
I am a little concerned about moving Kitty to our new apartment, but she is very scrappy and very squirrelly, so I am hopeful that she will acclimate quickly and carve out some special spaces just for her.
Date Taken: 6/8/12
Setting: Somewhere...on the road...
Thoughts: I love when I see giant trucks...with liberal drivers.
Sometimes, when I am listening to 90s pop radio on Pandora, a truly great song comes up and I have to commemorate listening to it by taking a picture of the screen. This particular song will now forever remind me of a series of videos I created with Taryn, Cassie, and Kara. Kara was really into the youtube videos that were spoofs of David Blaine street magic. I was making a psych up for the field hockey team when I was a coaching and consulted with Kara to create a spoof of those spoofs.
We recruited Cassie to play the other guy and Taryn to play David Blaine, crafted a script and had a blast filming. We ended up making 2 more in the following years. In the second video, we took DB to the streets. We filmed a scene in which Kara and Cass were driving and DB had magic-ed himself into the car. He makes the car go around a traffic circle multiple times, freaking out Cass and Kara, and then magic-ed some child's neon dance costumes onto their bodies. In the next scene, Cass and Kara realize they are wearing the costumes, scream, jump out of the car and start running around frantically. DB turns to the camera and prompts us to watch. He then forces them, with magic to dance to Be My Lover, in their child's neon dance costumes, in a vacant Lehigh parking lot, with Taryn dressed as a man...
It. Was. Awesome.
While the videos were ridiculously funny, the best part of the whole process was getting to spend more time with these three ladies. These videos gave us a reason to get together, be creative, laugh, and just generally get to know each other on a level we might otherwise not have.
I cherish those moments - the times when I get to see my friends in a new light or spend time with them outside of our normal contexts. There is so much I don't know about my friends, even the ones I spend the most time with or think I know the best. Sometimes, when I get to spend time with a friend one-on-one, I like to ask three questions
1. What do you like about yourself?
2. What do you fear?
3. What do you think will be the same about you no matter the circumstances?
I like to ask these questions because I think that people generally don't know the answers or spend the time thinking about who they are and want to be. When I was teaching a class of seniors a few years back, I was shocked by how little these students new about themselves, particularly the young women. These young women had bloated resumes - multiple sport athletes, honors and awards, straight A's, extracurriculars, community service - yet, they didn't know what they liked and didn't like, what they felt, what they wanted and didn't want.
It is alarming to think 17 and 18 year old women only have vague ideas about their own personality and the kinds of women they want to be in the future. They are headed out into the world, many of them are headed off to college. In that world they will encounter all manner of problems including drugs, alcohol, sex, food choices, and finances. Of all the potential dangers, sex is the one that concerns me the most.
For the most part, basic education does not include sex education or discussions about sexuality. Sex and sexuality in mainstream media are portrayed in unrealistic ways that may cause confusion about the self and sex itself. If high school students do not know anything about their personalities, if they don't know what makes them happy, what makes them sad, what they want in life, the ways that they want others to treat them, how will they engage in meaningful and safe sexual practices? How will they define limits and boundaries in all areas of their lives? How will they make important, informed decisions about their lives?
So, when I get the chance, I like to cut the fluff and ask people what they know about themselves. I like to think the answers bring me closer to my friends and that in turn, they we are both able to learn more about ourselves.
Date Taken: 6/7/12
Setting: Old City
Thoughts: I love exploring new areas and these days, I find myself looking out for species of flowers I have never seen before. These blue flowers certainly fit the bill. They remind me of winter, of icicles, Dr. Seuss, and something otherworldly. Flowers can transport me into other worlds, other realms, the imagined landscapes of my childhood. Nature constantly surprises and amazes me.
Date Taken: 6/6/12
Setting: Old City
Thoughts: Well, here are two more dogs that I want to save and can't. Brian and I keep walking into or around animal shelters and pet stores. Every time I see animals in cages, it breaks my heart. I just feel so horrible when I see them crammed into a confined space with so little love and petting, so little attention. They watch people watch them, all day, every day. It hurts my soul.
We saw these two little pretties - Hip and Hop - one day when we were walking through the city. After several days of seeing and talking about them, I finally went in and pet them a bit then saw them out on their morning walk. They were such sweet pups, so friendly, so docile. I wanted to smuggle them out under my shirt...but I figured that was probably frowned upon.
We also found this awesome video of kitties in a bowl, looking at something, simultaneously.
Now, at random times, Brian and I will shout in a semi-high pitched voice - Hip and Hop and a bowl full of synchronized kitties!!
It makes us feel good. Sometimes it's just nice to shout random things and laugh.
Date Taken: 6/5/12
Setting: Old City
Thoughts: I was wandering around Old City when I chanced upon a beautiful and majestic hawk near Independence Hall. It flew past me and onto a bench about 50 yards away. I crept up as close as I could and snapped a picture, which I later zoomed in on.
Since my mom died, I have felt close to her when I see a hawk. They are so regal, so independent. This particular hawk flew above me, perched on this bench, landed in the trees around me. I watched it for a while, thinking about the beauty of it, the beauty of my mom and the kind of mother she was and is.
As I get older, I find myself contemplating motherhood more and more. I wonder if I will ever be capable of that kind of responsibility. I think about the kinds of sacrifices my own parents made, and know that right now, I can't make that kind of commitment. I am far too selfish to have a child and to be perfectly honest, the thought of having a human being growing inside me freaks me out. I think the human body is truly amazing, yet the thought of mine expanding to include a small human is terrifying.
I can't help but lament the fact that I will never get to talk with my mom about motherhood. I won't get to ask her all the questions I need to ask if the time ever comes when I bring a human being into existence.
When I see a hawk fly overhead, like this hawk did on this particular day, it helps to quell the helplessness that I feel when I think about these kinds of major life decisions and the absence of my mother, my sounding board, my guide. It may not seem like much - the flapping of wings, talons on wood, the swivel of a head - but to me, it is everything.
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